Camino Not Chemo

This took much longer to do than anticipated. Every turn and test was either lost or Doctor was out of town and left us hanging without results. 

Meanwhile, I had received a new batch of cannabis/hash oil. Three vials to see which one I would respond best to. I took the first syringe and tolerated it well. I noticed that small improvements happened. A wart on my index finger disappeared. Blood clots gone. Whatever type of horrible, painful bowel obstruction that was, it’s nearly gone. Thanks to cannabis. It’s all I take.

Second syringe hash oil was still alright and I started feeling hungry. Great feeling. By now, I have lost nearly 30 lbs. A great downward, scary spiral. Just the mere ‘thought’ of food made me ill.  However, I know what happens once you can’t eat. So, I would cook these great, tasty bone broths and I would sip out of a cup. The heat of the broth felt so nourishing, especially in the middle of the night.

Now, it was time for the third syringe with cannabis. I took the first ‘grain of rice size’ and felt just a momentary ‘burning’ but then it was O.K.  When I woke up around midnight with the same rollercoaster spasms, I took the prepared hash oil, which I had near my bed. Barely had landed in my stomach, when immediately I became so very nauseous and the feeling of hell fire burning me alive in my stomach!! I vomited all over myself, the bed and was so sick I thought I may have to go to the Emergency room. By the time I changed my bed, got into a bath (warm, not hot!) and went back to bed, I was totally exhausted, shaking and crying.

I was very upset with this batch. THEY FORGOT TO BURN THE ALCOHOL OFF!! That is nearly 95% PROOF that hit my stomach full force AND without food.

Lost so much valuable time just trying to figure out what type of strain and oil to use. How much of it to use? With food? or not? No one to ask all these questions. What if people cannot take 1 gramm per day? Will it still perform? Meanwhile we had the new CT scan. Finally had it interpreted. I may have had a ‘mis-diagnosis’. I may NOT have Ovarian cancer, which was treated with a non-working chemo for nearly 1 year. But, instead I have lung and liver cancer. (Oh, still the tumor on the aorta too. It’s been there so long, I tend to forget.) 

At least I can eat. I am starting to ‘think’ about food again. I wonder what people do, that don’t cook ? Or know what to eat? Had friends over yesterday and cooked ‘crackling pork roast, potatoe balls, Sauerkraut and mixed salads. I ate 1 potato ball with sauce. MMM. I guess comfort foods it is.

The CA 125 (which stands for ‘ovarian’ may not be the proper test anymore either. Right back to where I was, nearly 4 years ago. After diagnosis, going to Europe. I still have my frequent flyer mile ticket and am planning going this spring. As I said to my oncologist ‘come hell or high water.’ Want to celebrate my 70th birthday with whatever family I have left, and old school friends.

When I had my INR finger stick to determine how well my blood was running (clots) my local doc was soo amazed how quickly this had healed. I had questioned the nurse to take less of the Warfarin but she argued and insisted. So, for another week I took the strong dose only to measure 8.6 which is WAY too fast.

I am losing energy. This is getting so very long. Friends are still close and caring. Some of my family, not so much. Hurts but ‘it is, what it is’.

So, for now I feel so very much improved and the thought of even having to go onto an ‘Oral chemo’ just really has me in a ‘flight mode’. 

Cameron still having to do all the hard stuff. I can’t even begin to imagine, how it would be or where I’d be, if he were not helping me. So, this ‘crap shoot’ keeps going and we’ll see what comes next.