So. How does this saga continue? On Oct. 14 th with Cameron in tow as well as Adam, who was visiting, I showed up at the Cancer Center. I visited Sue first.
Sue has had ovarian cancer over 3 years ago and dealing with a recurrence right now. It is really upsetting and worrisome that NOTHING was detected. She had her bloodwork and tests, she had her CT scan and all showed ‘clear’. She had complained about pain but also ‘diagnosed’ herself… thus saving docs the trouble and cost of medical school. She kept telling her oncologist that she may have ‘appendicitis.’!!!! I believe that ANY time a cancer patient complains of a long lasting pain, you don’t send her home. They all trusted these tests. And then, she had emergency surgery and it was finally noticed that she has new tumors. So. Now a much worse scenario. But she’s fighting the fight. As one motto says in our group: Fight like a girl”. Big shout-out to Gerald, her husband, who is such a tremendous help with everything.
We’ve lost 3 of our ‘Teal Warrior’s. Wow. So young. There’s Sonya, not quite 48 years who did not get to see her grandchild being born. Not even the measly-amount of 3-6 mos ‘given time’, was upheld. We are all reeling. Of course, the unspoken fear is, that ‘YOU’ are next. We’re all moving in a little closer to each other, as if for protection. Who will the Boney guy pick next? You all duck!!
Here I am, after a whole month being absent from the ward and visiting Sue, I went to Doc’s office. Cameron was there. First thing: Scan shows no new growths. No significant changes. I asked her if she thought I could stay off chemo for another 6-8 weeks and give this Tears of Phoenix’ a chance. If we start chemo and, at the same time, take this, I won’t ever know if it really worked. Since the last 2 chemo’s did not work anyway, I’m not losing a lot.
It does feel odd. No chemo. No radiation. No magic pill. Only a tiny, dark powerhouse. I spread that grain of rice-size cannabis on my cracker and the taste of it, errupts in dramatic shakes all over me. I do not like this at all. Yuck. I have now sheduled my ‘waking errands and chores’ before I take anything because I am totally useless, once I have it.
It’s a good thing, one can’t overdose. I thought I was ready to doulbe my dose. It had been 10 days, although when I have an appointment or some things to drive to, I won’t take anything because I cannot function. After about 35 min there was this pressure around my forehead and my surroundings were compromised. Like swimming through Molasses. I tried to get up but couldn’t. It took all I had to GET up! When I finally managed to be upright, I bounced off the wall like the bumper-game machine. That night was really horrible. Dreams and images, torn and loud.. …but I noticed that was me coughing my lungs out. Terrible cold to boot.
My grandson, nearly 19 years old, is here to help me. All the way from Alabama. They move 10 years ago but he’s till our Colorado boy. Have not seen him in a long time and I sure hope he can withstand my present life. We had the ‘booze-drug’ talk and a few others. Done. He has worked in the yard, cutting down some of those silly trees that have thousands of seed pods to procreate and they’re such a nuisance.
What if ‘Tears’ of Phoenix’ does not work? Well, there are a few chemo’s left (that may not work either.) Meanwhile I now have problems walking with these compromised legs. Still taking Werferin but can’t go far. Maybe around the block. I really have to increase my distances. I am just tired.
I borrowed Pumpkin. My best Poodle buddy. He snugggles up and stays close and is totally devoted. I wish he could fetch and carry. But, I have to get up and go for a walk with him. (NO! Please. No dogs for a gift.) I have Cassie next door, whom I love and visit. There’s Bruno, another fun dog and Pumpkin. Those are enough.