Another doc, more tests and CA 125

I can’t believe how unraveled my whole life is becoming. More questions than answers piling up. I have faithfully taken those Chinese Herbs. (They look like little BB’s.) I’m sure that some of the debris from the kidneys got out. It gave me temporary relief and I thought, I nailed it. Until the pain came back with a vengeance. It feels like some little gerbil is biting its way through the abdomen. Really. Although not much faith, I called my OBGYN for an appointment. This was de ja vue of 11 years ago, when I came to his office, crying in pain.

Well, we now know how that ended. This time, I already know that I have cancer, so I just needed help with this pain. He was not encouraging. Would not advice laparoscopy because they may encounter something much worse, i.e. cancer stuff and won’t be able to deal with that kind of surgery. He suggested a colonoscopy. Wow-yay! But, since I’ve not had one in 6 years I said O.K. I am not, at all looking forward to that procedure.

I remembered that I had some dealings with pain two years ago, which had me visit the Emergency room. I got my diary and went back and sure enough I’m describing the very same symptoms, place and severity. They hooked me up to Morphine and I remember saying , ‘Thank GOD for drugs’ as it flowed through the veines and I could feel the relief at once. No diagnosis though. As I was still losing weight at that time, it seemed to disappear after awhile. I wonder, if these is the same scar tissue that I’ve had so much problems with, over the years. I’ve had 2 surgeries to alleviate that pain but it always returns-worse. Research shows, that it’s a chronic disease. To think, I may have to live like this, is not an option. I wouldn’t care if I got ‘just’ another 10 years out of it, I’d go for it.

I will have to call my Oncologist and see what she says. We know, this has nothing to do with the cancer, although my Doc, here, always seems to want to place it there. I’ve had my CA 125 blood test (cancer marker) the other day and doc called me yesterday to give me the result. It went up. He said to start thinking about oral chemo. He thinks this is the cancer pushing on something or has grown to where it gets in the way. I am going to be contrary again, and say no, these are adhesions. My oncologist says: This is not the cancer. Radiologist and her went over that CT scan with a fine tooth-comb and nothing has changed. (Except numbers are a bit up. But we won’t worry until numbers go up 35-45 points.) They went up only 6 points.

I was not surprised as my Immune system is fighting this inflammation and taking these meds will always change numbers. I can feel myself slipping. I wonder where all this great energy went? I am uninspired about cooking. I feel no great need to eat. (That worries me a bit). I am not motivated because I am in pain so much that nothing else seems to matter. I just want to reach in there and rip it out. I tell myself to ‘buck up’, to get over it, to stop being a wimp’. But time is starting to wear me down. I can’t concentrate on helping myself against the cancer, as I have to get my energies toward this  issue now. If it isn’t one damn thing, it’s another. I am starting to feel overwhelmed, again. Since I have not been able to walk much, I’ve gained weight. That has to go so now I am back on track. But, my friends are not making it easy. They invite me, either out or to their home and surprise me with wonderful food, but not the kind I’m allowed. Then they say, oh, go ahead, it won’t hurt you this once! Yes, it does. And it’s not just once. I’m struggeling with low appetite and so they want to tempt me, so I’ll eat. Loving gestures but I need to get back into my lifestyle.

My friend Julie called and she will come on June 2nd to  help me for a week. Help clean, cook and go walking with me. I wish my family lived closer.

My BFF Irene, send a birthday card with money and although I told her NOT to, she ignored me and did anyway. I’ll use it to have acupuncture since that is helping a lot. (And, maybe a pedicure because my feet hurt.) All these extra treatments and herbs and supplements are costing a mint. Not something that Medicare pays but yet vital to me, in fighting this fight.

I still try to envision my trip to Austria, this fall. I can’t seem to see myself there, yet.

I’ve been walking again because I can’t just sit here. I need to move. I’m taking Ibuprofen before I start and hope I can finish.

Tomorrow is my 68th birthday. I look at that number and it looks so strange. I don’t feel ‘that old’. On the other hand, two years ago when I didn’t know where this journey would take me and the ‘C’ loomed huge and scary, I am sure glad to see 68. If I just get to feel better, I don’t want anything else. Ever. I don’t care about a new house, or furniture or keeping up with certain people. I don’t care about sleek cars and who’s got more. I just want to feel  better. In that is a richness beyond compare.

I am trying to get my ‘umph’ back.


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5 thoughts on “Another doc, more tests and CA 125

  1. Dear Inge,

    I’m sorry to hear that you are still in so much pain. There is this great herbalogist in New York city who has a great reputation in the oncology community and who has worked in cancer research for many years. His name is Dr George Wong and he has helped many people with cancer. Perhaps you could talk to him about your case. I am sure he could help you. I will pray for you so that you may get relief from this pain.

  2. Hi, Eva.
    Thank you for your kindness and caring. I would talk to theis Herbalist but it’s a bit far from Colorado. I will ask my acupuncturist, Hiroki, what he has for this type of pain. My Oncologist assured me that this has NOTHING to do with the cancer. We thought, those were kidney stones so that’s what I ordered from him. Now that it’s not, we have to start all over again. I’ve filed out the form for medical marijuana and hope I figure out fairly soon, how much of it will give me relief. I don’t like this morphine which makes me depressed and weepy.– Thanks again

    • Dear Inge,
      I wish you’d contact Dr Wong. He is well respected here in NYC among the oncology community. He has helped many with cancer. I also met a lady who was stage IV ovarian cancer and added modified citrus pectin which she credits for helping her become disease free now 4 years. Have you tried it?
      By the way I share you journey with cancer. For me it is 3 years now. I admire your strength and spirit.

      • Will Dr. Wong take phone calls? I have not tried modified citrus pectin, yet. This pain I’m experiencing does NOT involve cancer. it’s a separate issue of Adhesions. — I am glad to see that you’ve been NED for 3 years and I hope that you have many more years without any cancer. I’ve had 10 years before it returned. I really appreciate your input and caring.

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