Not so nice changes

After I have had such a nice week off chemo and doing what I like best, I had to return to my 6th cycle of chemo. To ordinary folks that means 18  of those cocktails. That day was uneventful, aside the toxins.

I woke up 2 nights later to use the bathroom. I usually go in the dark, since I know my way so well. This time, I felt strange and thought it was my eyesight and the dark. I turned the light on and the whole room was spinning. Like a BAD drunk. But, I had to go and bumped against the wall and could barely get there. Back in bed, it continued. I tried placing my foot on the floor and sat up but this got worse. Little, black spot, cold and clammy and I thought I’d pass out.

Was getting anxious and freaking out a bit. Who do you call, at this ungodly hour? It was 1:00 o’ clock. Went mentally through the list of my friends, who had assured me that I could call ANYTIME but they all lived a distance away and I thought I needed someone fast.

So. I called my nice neighbor, Nancy. Asked her if she would come over. She was here fast, in nightgown. Sat on the other side of the bed and rubbed my back . I was getting nauseous as well but took some hash oil and that worked in a few, miracilous minutes. At least no vomiting the bed.

She asked, ‘what do you want to do? ‘  I said, I didn’t know but we could call Doc’s office here and night operator would know how to get ahold of one.

Luckily, my old doc was on night shift and therefor I did not have to explain all the way back to Adam and Eve.  Although, he said, he could not determine over the phone what this episode was. I should come to ER. This ‘could be Vertigo’ OR this ‘could be a tumor on my brain!!’ Great choices in the middle of the night to be told! ( I tallied up the several thousands of dollars this would cost.) I said, NO, I think I’ll wait till morning and come in. If I pass out, my neighbors will drag me to ER.

Nancy stayed with me all night. I told her to try to get some sleep, I would wake her if something happens. The hash oil put me to sleep as well. Woke early and though I was still dizzy, it was not as much. At 8:00 A.M I got a call from doc’s office with appointment.

I went (different doc) and they took Vitals (bloodpressure, pulse and finger stick to see how blood thinners work. He had no clue as to what to contribute this episode to. “Probably from chemo’, he said and that was that.

I hung around on my couch pretty much all day. Was listless, fatigued and still off kilter. Tried to figure out, as so many times, what could have happened and why? Well, I don’t have the answer either.

Went on with my business. Tried to clean house a bit, had to go shopping, cook something. Every time I go to the store, prices have gone up. A few tomatos are $3.99 (Do they really think that one cent difference to $4.00, makes us buy with joy??)

Cameron came Monday eve to take me to chemo Tuesday. I was a bit anxious as CA 125 blood test was on the plan. (To measure cancer marker.) I packed my ‘chemo bag with bottled water, a few yoghurts and cherries and 2 pieces of coffee cake. I can’t leave to eat and I can’t eat what they offer. Salad and an awful potatoe bisque.

I was kidding with receptionis as I had not received the usual ‘reminder to come’ call. I said, Chris didn’t call but I came anyway. They said laughing, they were happy to see me. Lab tech came and we filled 4 vials of blood. (I’m thinking, each week that much, wonder what to eat/drink to replendish? Beets came to mind.)

Then visit with Oncologist and retelling of episode. She also thinks, it’s an accumulative effect of the chemo. I said, I think I reached my tether with chemo and I hopefully could stop and CA 125 would be in normal range!  She said, will you kill me if it isn’t? I said NO, that’s against the law and I want to go to Europe NOT jail.

Then we went to the infusion room and hooked up for my cocktails. Cameron went outside to work and calls.

After a little while I saw Oncologist come in and holding a piece of paper. I looked at her and said, YES? what is it? She shook her head slightly and for a second a cold hand twisted my heart. IT WENT UP!! I felt a little betrayed by my body! Ok. Ok. I said, 8 points is not that much. We all know that this is not an exact science and other factors could have contributed. Change in diet, which has me upset since all the ‘healthful foods are almost off the table. Because of the vitamin K and blood clotting factor. Also, taking Warfarin. I’m disappoined but this will not change my plans. Instead of waiting to the end of chemo (which we anticipated by having a good number) to have a CT scan to see what the tumor is doing, she scheduled a CT scan right away and as soon as they call with appointment, I’ll have that to contend with.

Cameron came back in and saw the expression on my face. He hugged me and said, this is just a temporary, little set back. We’ll do this too.

I had sent a message to my support group, my TEAL sisters and immediately the comments and loving support poured in as was the same with my FB friends. Nothing from some family members but it seems they have a different priority.

My good friend Bonnie came with food. We had decided on a baked potatoe with all the trimmings, since this is what I’m allowed to eat. Had a good visit and talked this new thing over. It’s so good to have good friends.

I have decided to regroup and circle the waggons. I will renew my efforts and eat as closely healthy as I can. I KNOW this makes a difference. I have proven it before. This is just a little ‘hiccup’. I have 4 weeks before the next CA 125 and hopefully can walk as leg and foot feel better. Some may think that this sounds like ‘Denial’ but  I asure you, it’s not. Coincidentally, I saw a man on T.V. who said, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING THAT YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO’ , as he levitated several feet off the ground. The MIND is more powerful than anything. We just have to learn to harness more of it. “You can think yourself well and you can think yourself sick.” I will do what I can.


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