I went about my business yesterday while the back of my mind was listening to the ringing of the phone. Somehow I knew it would be ‘Hiob’s’ news. That’s what we call bad news in German. Hiob’s Botschaft. Then, there it was and I knew who it was before I picked up.
In a clinical voice, devoid of emotion my Doc told me that the tumor was still there and grown to the size of a golf ball. (Cruz del Ferro did not fullfil obligation.) Julio had written a very nice card in which he stated that cruz del Ferro must fullfil obligation and future must be encouraging. Maybe would be a good idea long term pact requesting luck for a couple of decades. This is what I was thinking about, all the way to Grand Junction to have my P.E.T scan.
Doctor also said he would get me in touch with a noted Oncologist, here, so I could ask him questions. I’d wanted to know about metronomic chemo, or RCT regional cancer treatment/chemo. He had not heard of this as he’s not treating cancer patients anymore. Well, that was new to me, too. I told him I would meet and listen. I do want to know all my options.
Forget about the ‘New Hope Forever Center’ in Scottsdale, AZ. They called back with lightening speed and whooed me with soothing voice, to come. I was mesmerized until I heard the cost. A 12 day stay would cost $19000.00 dollars. Hard cash. (Although there are Financing companies available.) I have become a HOT commodity. It’s almost like ‘Moonwater.’ Going to the moon to harvest rare, healing water. They did, however offer to look at my scans, ect and advice what they would recommend, free of charge.
What to do? What to do. So many choices, still. I know I’ve stated that I had given up the idea of Cyberknife treatment but that was before.
Now that it is cold, scary reality once more, I am really chicken to the idea of pain. I’m going back to my original question: Why would I NOT want this? Non-invasive treatment?
Conflicting thoughts are still clamoring to be heard about natural, holistic treatments. Not to have my body polluted with poision. Of course, in all of this there are the costs to consider.
Doc said, that the Board would meet and review my case. This board is set up of Oncologist, Radiologist, Gynecologist (from ovarian cancer time) himself and some others. They will let me know their recommendations. I’m already thinking, how would I or could I argue against so many, learned men? However, I have to stay true to myself and not be brow beat into a quick decision. Doc said, not to wait too long now. Not to miss this golden time, or to wait until I had painful symptoms.
So. Now comes my next Camino. Steep, mental hills I have to climb. No one can help with final decison. I can weigh, I can throw ideas back and forth and still won’t know to 100% certainty, if the one I choose is the RIGHT ONE.
If there are any out there with opinions or ideas, that do not take up a lot of precious time. I am more than willing to listen.
Meanwhile, I will take advantage of a promised, beautiful day and drive to Ouray where I will hike up to a waterfall and gorgeous scenery. To sit and to think.