Odd message

Since I’ve not heard from anyone, nor from anywhere, I’ve had to make my own decisions.

No news from Germany, either. (?) But then, they have Sibirian weather there and perhaps the words froze mid -flight in Cyberpsace. Or, it was just too crazy trying to figure it all out.

It has been one month since my last CA 125 blood draw (cancer markers). So, I’ve decided to go to the lab and have one, should Dr. D. (Denver) need that as well. She had been unhappy that I had so few ‘recent’ tests done. After PET disc was send to her, again, it was placed on her desk,  for review on Wednesday or Thursday and then, hopefully a word about decision to me, about yes, no, to do surgery.

Since my doc wasn’t there and I’d done this multiple times before, I just had the draw and left him a note for an order. I had a few more questions for him, as well.

This waiting is really getting on my nerves. Sitting home, waiting for the phone to ring. Just like in (long) days past, waiting for an elusive, unavailable boyfriend to call.

I went to lunch with a new friend. Then, came home to my (boring) vigil by the phone.

I thought to charge my cell phone, as I’d wanted to call my son about questions he had. There I noticed a message. Curious, I accessed my mail box. (Very few people call my cell.) It was my Montrose doc. He said, that I don’t need a CA 125 this time. Wouldn’t matter if it was elevated or, even if it went down as I had to have the surgery. ‘We must  save Medicare money for your surgery,’ he said. And, why would I need a ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) doctor? That Denver Dr. may not have excellent people skills but she does have excellent surgical skills and to wait.

Perhaps, they think, that since I’ve waited this long, a few weeks won’t matter now.

After I got over the sting and puzzlement, I was glad I wasn’t here to take this call. Here is my side: I’ve paid into Medicare my whole, adult life. It’s not charity. So far, I’ve not been a big burden nor expense to them. Then, if we needed to save, it would’ve been to dismiss the P.E.T scan of $8325.00  (German Professor said, I didn’t need one.)

Doc here also wouldn’t mind, that I use what little money I had and get into debt with charge cards, to go to Germany to have surgery and let them pick up the rest of the tab. Last time, with the cancer rodeo, I had NO insurance and was really crippled financially. Sold everything I had to help along and it was never enough. Cleaned houses and offices while vomiting from effects from chemo and cleaning supplies. Did baby sitting as well just so I would not end up a welfare case.

Friends were helping by leaving cash and checks around, hidden, easy to find but so I wouldn’t have to lose face. In return, I baked and cooked and baked and took these goodies all over town. Some church members, whom I didn’t know, donated $500.00. When I was feeling better, I baked 15 Apple Strudels and took them to their church, the following Sunday.

Then, I paid medical bills each month, for years. The State of Colorado stepped in and paid the rest. I felt very embarrassed.

I’d acted on my doc’s advice to have throat examined due to PET hot spot!

Had they all acted sooner on my symptoms, perhaps I wouldn’t be in this boat!

I was really upset and woke up early from stress dreams. To get rid of these negative emotions, I put  Mozart’s ‘Le Nozze de Figaro’ into stereo with volume up. Baked an Apple cake.

I am ready for when he calls back today.

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