As I was waiting these many weeks for a surgery date, many people were waiting with me. In various corners of the world. There’s my family (what’s left of it) in Germany and Switzerland. With e-mails, Skyping and phone, they kept in touch. There are my FB friends who inquire daily. Everyone wishes me well, supportive with words, deeds and prayers. There’s my good friend, Ingrid in Csakany, Hungary. The rest sprinkled across the United States.

My sister and niece, drove to Heroldsbach, Germany. A place in the countryside purported to have had a sighting of St. Mary in 1949-1952 by several children. The spot, where St. Mary was said to have hovered, had supposedly brought forth a spring. She told the children that this would be sacred water. To heal. This sighting miracle was not supported by Rome. But, this did not keep people from coming to this small village, by foot, by car and later, by bus from all over Europe. I had never heard of it, until about ten or so years ago. I was in Germany when my sister asked if I wanted to come with them. I was curious and agreed.

The place is beautiful. Set on a large, sloping meadow, fenced in with a discreet, unobtrusive, wooden fence and a well trimmed hedge. There are the 14 stages of the cross with altars placed in between. There are flowers everywhere.  There are also a lot of wooden crosses, in various sizes and weights, for serious pilgrims to carry, depending on what their self-imposed penance may be. In the middle is a small pavilion with several steps going down on 2 sides to the origin of the spring. You can see the small body of water underneath a polished, ornate brass grill.

I was having these undiagnosed, abdominal pains at that time and I placed my hand over this spring and said a silent, little prayer. A little further is a Glass Chapel with the statue of Mary inside. In front of her, huge profusion of flowers. Mostly roses.  A large book, on a stand is right by the entrance, where people can write their concerns for prayer intervention, into the book. All that St. Mary required for her help is that everyone would then give written notice of any healing they received. There are plaques all over the place, running up to the ceiling, all 4 walls. Mostly with grateful, short sentences. Mary has helped. Or, with heartfelt gratitude for our miracle.

Since we finally had a date for the surgery, my sister had called with the promise of driving to Heroldsbach and placing my name into the big book. As well as spending 5 Euros for a candle to be lit on the day of surgery while the good nuns would pray for a successful outcome. I was touched.

Then Julio wrote a very nice e-mail, that he too, would go to the cathedral in Bilbao, Spain, on the day of surgery to light a candle on my behalf.

My friend Carla and her husband pray for me daily. The cashier at the Natural Market also offers prayers. As do many friends and acquaintances.  I am sent Angels by e-mail, promising to keep watch over me. I should be well covered in Prayer Insurance.

BUT. There’s a bit more drama. Yesterday, I had just finished a nice, surprise call from Julio and Marianne with their happy news that they are booking their flight to the U.S. in mid April.  First they’ll fly to New York, where they will spend a few days, then take the train to come West, ending in Grand Junction. We made great plans and I told them we would have a fiesta with friends to welcome them to Colorado.

Cameron was getting ready to go skiing in Powderhorn, which had just received about 2 feet of new snow. Sort of a last hurrah before the medical route with me.

I was scurrying around, letting my friends know that we have a pre-op date and went on last-minute errands.

When I came home, the light was blinking on the answering machine. Without much of any thought, I pressed the button. It was Dr. D. from Denver. She said that she and the Oncologist/Surgeon were looking at the latest CT scan. (She thanked me for getting it done as it gave them a different view and perspective of this lymph node that had gone beserk.) Then, continuing, she said that they had grave concerns as the tumor had intertwined with the veins in such a way that there would be great risks in removal. She would call me this morning to discuss this in person.

Needless to say I was stunned. I felt like I had been running and someone put a stick out to knock me off my balance in mid run. I just stood there and couldn’t even manage to produce a thought. The next thing, CRAP. What NOW? If there are grave concerns, should I even go ahead? Of course, I don’t know the detail of these concerns but I don’t like the sound of that AT ALL!!  Next thought: Well. Maybe back to Cyberknife. Also. Write the Professor in Germany, ask him if he had received copy of CT scan and what did he think?

Then. Must do more research. Maybe alternate is my other only option? How do I get this damn blood-sucker out??? De ja vu!  I was in this spot months ago when I agonized over the decision to even have surgery. It took such great, inner force to wrap my brain around being cut (“fileted”). Now, I have to again entertain different course of action? Should I have chemo first? To shrink this tumor and then surgery? Should I check into Proton Therapy? How is this different from Cyberknife? There’s one in Loma Linda, they’ve done this procedure longer than anyone else. As I understand it, the machine is 3 stories tall and cost EIGHT Million dollars. But is painfree. I filled out their online intake form. Someone will call Monday and explain it to me.

I’ve also drafted an e-mail to Cyberknife Oncologist. There are still all these alternate centers. GEEEZ! Nothing easy about me and my stuff. More prayers. More angels and more candles are needed.

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